More July Pictures...

My beautiful little girl... her hair sticks up and is all fuzzy when it's clean. It's defintely Strawberry blonde.

Kaitlyn has just found her feet.

Some close-ups on mom's lap - she's sucking on her lower lip

Kaitlyn likes to try to put anything in her mouth (except food that is).

Visit with Holland and Eden

Here is Billie holding Miss Kaitlyn. Billie is my online Preemie mom friend from Michigan. We met "on-line" and arranged to meet when she was visiting here in Northern California the first part of July. Not long after this shot was taken, Kaitlyn proceeded to vomit over my shoulder all over the carpet of the restaurant... Here's the link to Billies blog: http://micropreemietwins.blogspot.com/


This is a picture of John (Billie's husband) and Eden. Holland and Eden were born at 24 weeks, and sadly Eden has Cerebral Palsy. They are such beautiful happy girls, it was so wonderful to meet them in person - I felt like I knew them already.

Here is Billie and Holland. Holland unfortunately became sick while she was here and had to go to the ER. She still wasn't feeling great when we met her for dinner.

A group shot of the preemie parents and our precious bundles.

More Pictures...

I am having problems uploading pictures, so they'll have to be in seperate posts....

Kaitlyn modeling a new outfit from Nana (my mom). she's actually already outgrown it!

Kaitlyn and dad hanging out on the couch

This is the view I had from the Parents Apartment when I stayed at the George Mark Center. You can see why I was able to relax. I sat on the couch in the aprtment and read a book! This has to be the first relaxing moment I've had in a year (I still don't really call my 3 months on bed rest as "relaxing". www.georgemark.org

Here is Kaitlyn in her room at the Geroge Mark center...

Pictures finally!

Sometimes Blogger is really difficult to upload pictures, I've been trying for a few days now, but I can't seem to upload any more, maybe I'll try in another post...

It is supposed to be a big "No-No" to have Kaitlyn (and preemies) in exersausers or Door way jumpers (it's supposed to be bad for their needs, hips and growing joints), but as you can see her legs don't even reach the bottom! She's just started liking it a bit, and we are using it very rarely, but it's fun for Kaitlyn to be upright

Look at those tiny feet! so cute!

This was from our incredibly HOT day this week when Brian, Kaitlyn and I escaped to the mall and a restaurant for dinner and Margaritas. Look at our big girl, she's really growing!

Some long-awaited eye contract with my daughter.

With Dad, getting a little upset. Look at her little purple hair clip (this was a purchase on the Mall walk - it didn't really stay in her hair, but it sure was cute!)

No Kaitlyn's not walking yet (or standing or sitting on her own), but it sure looks like she's taking a quick little step across the table in this picture with dad.

A close-up - Kaitlyn and her dad sure do look alike!

This picture was from 4th of July weekend!

OK, this is the "wild-life" in our back-yard. We have 3 mamma turkeys and many, many little baby turkeys. Now they don't live in our backyard, but they've taking a liking to eating the plumbs on our trees. Can you see the dirt mounds they are standing on? These are the mole hills - we have a horrible mole problem in our back-yard that has become Brian's downfall.

It's Almost 7/26

First of all, many apologies for all of you who either regularly check my blog for an update on Miss Kaitlyn, for those who have posted comments or sent me emails on my plea for help earlier this month. I think I just basically became too overwhelmed by everything to do a blog update, then it became so delayed that the task of doing an update became even harder.

I’m sorry that I may not have been able to get back to many of you, I hope that you’ll excuse my lack of response – please just know that I do READ ABSOTLUTELY everything that you post and email to me, and I greatly appreciate your thoughts, concerns, suggestions and prayers for us. (I currently have 364 emails in my inbox alone that need responding too)!

It’s absolutely amazing to me that my blog now has received almost 33,000 visitors! Wow. I wish I could get that amount of traffic to visit my Marin Real Estate website: http://www.bayarearealestatesales.com/

Also, with the heat wave we are having being inside the house, sitting in front of my computer is an impossible task. I know those in other parts of the country hot weather is the "norm" for summer, BUT, I'm guessing you all of A/C. It rarely gets above 90 here in the summer, so no one has A/C. This week it's been over 100 every day. EVERY DAY! It was over 110 on Sat and Sunday. And we don't have A/C! It's horrible! I've been taking Katilyn for indoor "Mall walks" to try to stay cool.

I’ll post pictures to this entry soon – so check back….

Well, where to start….

Our crazy life full of doctor visits, vomit, working has continued as always…Here’s a brief list of doc visits from July: Liz and Brian dentist a number of times, Kaitlyn Pediatrician appt, K Lung appointment, K Early Intervention appointments at home (3x), Liz ENT appointment (for my continued jaw issues), K NICU follow-up appt, K GI appointment, K Physical Therapy appt, K ENT appt (for her vocal chord next week). I have a new real estate listing: http://www.27rutherford.com/ ; Brian played hockey in the Annual California Firefighters Olympics all last week in San Jose, Kaitlyn spent 2 nights at the http://www.georgemark.org/ center in preparation of a real vacation that Brian and I are taking in August; I was able to meet one of my online micro preemie friends the beginning of the month:
Holland and Eden Blog

Kaitlyn updates:

New GI second opinion: Well, unfortunately, we didn’t learn anything new. I have to say, though that K’s previous GI doc has been much, much better. We’ve been communicating regularly via email, which has been very helpful and consulting with her dietician. We’ve tried to make a number of changes (MANY based on all of your suggestions), AND we have seen some improvement in the amount of vomiting.

She now actually has some of her day feeds (usually the 6pm) with NO vomiting! Yes, NO vomiting. One day, she actually did the 10 am and 2pm with NO vomiting (she’s NEVER had the 10 am feed with no vomiting before), but then the day after that she had a huge vomit day. So we are still just taking things a day at a time. BUT, it’s not 20 times a day any more.

K has changed reflux meds, she’s now on Prevacid (instead of Prilosec). I’m thickening her feeds with rice cereal instead of oatmeal cereal. We have increased the calorie content of her feeds (and reduced the volume), we are using Good Start formula during the day and primarily breast milk at night.

She’s now on 100 ml of formula 3x a day. (we used to mix it 50% formula/50% breast milk) but are now on just formula during her day feeds (to save the BM for night feeds), which is around 28 calorie (extra formula and rice cereal). At night she’s on 1/3 formula (while I’m still awake) and 2/3 breast milk (about 650 ml total). When I put her to bed, I usually get a large vomit out of her (via burping), switch her to breast milk and then she’s vomit free the rest of the night.

The issue still comes down to the fact that I still will run out of breast milk. Can you believe the guilt I feel for stopping? Many of you remember the pictures of my FULL freezer - I thought I’d never run out but I also never thought she’d have issues with formula.
Freezer Picture

I am absolutely touched by the generosity of 3 women who have generously offered to donate their breast milk to Kaitlyn when they heard my breast milk plight: My sister in law Elissa in CT; another a local preemie mom, Lisa, who has had 2 preemies; and the 3rd a total stranger in TX, MacKenzie, (http://www.thebuhs.blogspot.com/) who heard of my story and blog from her friend who met me at the NICU while Kaitlyn was still there.

Now some of you out there in Internet land might think it’s strange that I’m actually accepting the offer of these amazing women – but as we speak, they are arranging to ship their frozen milk to me. I really am speechless as to this amazing generosity and willingness to help out our little Miss Kaitlyn. Thank you, thank you, thank you Elissa, Lisa and MacKenzie. You will always be a part of now of Kaitlyn!

And to you, my beautiful daughter Kaitlyn when you are old enough to read this – I just want you to know how many people out there love, pray and just want you to get better!

The new GI doc was pleased with her overall weight gain, and doesn’t think we need to go the route of doing a fundo surgery (yeah, as Brian and I are very against the surgery as it’s a life-long lasting surgery, which causes gagging, hacking and coughing - as she wouldn’t be able to through up but her little body would still try to). I think I’d be more for the surgery if she wasn’t “thriving”. But, all her docs (with the exception of one) are in agreement with us, that as long as she continues to gain weight on the scale (she’s going along nicely just under 5% at every check-up) we are to continue as is. The GI doc did certainly agree that it’s extremely tough on us. I asked about long term consequences of the vomiting on her esophagus and teeth (she still doesn’t have any yet), but because she’s on the acid reducer (Prevacid), she should be ok.

Eyes:
Kaitlyn has a follow up eye appointment next month, but SO far, her eye crossing situation has greatly improved. In fact, we think it may be gone all together and just took care of itself. This is great news.

Physical Therapy:
At K’s physical therapy appointment last week, the PT said she couldn’t believe how improved Kaitlyn seemed. Brian and I too feel that in the last 2 weeks she really seems to have turned a corner in terms of interacting with us.

Remember how I would always say that Kaitlyn averted her gaze from us. It was so difficult, knowing that your own daughter was too overwhelmed to want to look at her own parents. BUT the good news is that seems to be getting much better. She really does like to look and watch us closely now! Wow. I really needed this affirmation from her. It makes my heart sing when my daughter loves to look up at me. Now she’s still not smiling, but I’ll take the gazing! It’s amazing. I have actually gotten a few, very fleeting smiles from her, she’ll stick her tongue out and smile a bit with her eyes and the corner of her mouth turns into a smile. One day, I got about 4 of these in a row, and another day I got about 2. But that was well over a week ago, and I’m waiting for a repeat appearance of her fleeting tongue smile. Certainly not long enough to capture it on film.

She still isn’t rolling over or sitting up on her own, or pushing up with her arms while on her tummy, but the PT felt really, really good about her progress and “normal” babies pick their own time to do these things sometimes too, so I’m not too worried. She’s strong, and is really starting to get more coordinated in grabbing with both of her hands.

Lungs:
At her lung doc appointment, the doc indicated that she felt very good about Kaitlyn’s lungs at this point. They sound good and clear. She’s still never gotten sick, and we are looking into arranging another lung capacity test in a reduced oxygen environment. She still has BPD, but she is generally doing really well. Her breathing often sounds congested, but it’s always limited to upper respiratory, and not her lungs.

Right after the 4th of July, I was able to meet with Billie, her husband John, and their 2 beautiful micro preemie twins, Holland and Eden. http://micropreemietwins.blogspot.com/

There were here in Northern California visiting her Aunt, and we arranged to meet for dinner in San Francisco. Like Billie, I’m so behind on updating of our wonderful visit….but to you Billie and all of your family – we had such a nice time getting to know all of you and meeting the girls. I felt like I already knew all of you and it was just a wonderful, wonderful thing to meet you all in person. I feel a special bond with you, and I’m so glad you go the chance to meet and hold Miss Kaitlyn. As we’ve commented to each other before, neither of us knows which is harder: the death of a child or having children with disabilities. They are both so terribly sad and difficult, and my heart goes out to all of you and Holland and Eden. They are absolutely beautiful girls, so incredibly loved by their parents and I’m hoping that we’ll be able to keep in touch as the years go by. I will post some pictures of our visit together.

George Mark Center and a vacation!!!

I posted a few months ago about a wonderful, wonderful respite and hospice home for children. Well, Brian and I decided to actually plan a much-needed vacation for my upcoming 40th birthday and our 2nd wedding anniversary. We are going to take Kaitlyn to the George Mark Center for Respite care. In order to “try it out” I took Kaitlyn there for 2 nights earlier this month.

In order to go, the “prep” time was crazy for me. It required a doctor visit as well as written orders, and that’s right when K was vomiting like crazy so it was hard to give official “food intake orders” as they were changing minute by minute. Lots of faxing of authorization forms from all different agencies and doctors…. I had to pack so much stuff for her (just for 2 nights), syringes, wedges for sleeping, feeding bags, frozen breast milk, formula, rice cereal, measuring devices, bottles, etc. etc. I have to say as I was packing everything that this really wasn’t feeling much like respite, as the work to get her ready was overwhelming.

BUT, once I got there, it was so wonderful. I’ll post some pictures from the place so you can see how amazing it is. I actually spent the first night there in their Parent Apartment. I sat in the room in the evening, in front of a beautiful picture window that looked out to a rose garden and just read a book as the sun set. It was wonderful. Then I left her there for the 2nd night, which wasn’t as relaxing, as once I was home I had a million things that needed to be taken care of.

We actually do have a vacation planned at the end of August! Brian and I are going to go to the Dominican Republic for 9 days! We are going to an all inclusive resort and we can’t wait! It will be for my 40th birthday (uggh!!!!) and our 2nd wedding anniversary. What a year we’ve had! We’ll be taking Kaitlyn to the Center while we are gone.

Tomorrow is a day I’m dreading. Tomorrow is July 26th.

July 26th 2005 was the day of my fateful amnio. One year ago my life changed for ever. If I hadn’t had that amnio I would have 2 healthy twin daughters with me today. It’s hard to even think about how different things would be. I constantly wonder what would Corinne look like, what would her personality be like. What would Kaitlyn’s voice sound like? Would she smile and eat? How big would they be? So many questions that I’ll never know the answers to.

I’ll post pictures soon!

so late in updating....

I PROMISE to write more soon, but we've had SOME improvement with k's vomiting!!!!

4th of July - 9 months and counting

On July 4th, Kaitlyn turned 6 months adjusted and 9 months actual on July 4th.

Kaitlyn and I participated with our local multiples group in the 4th of July Parade (Brian was at work). It was wonderful and difficult at the same time. The parents of the multiples group have been so wonderfully supportive of me and my story, but at the same time, it was very difficult to see all the twin stroller and knowing that I should have both my girls with me. I also felt sub-conscious of the "public" thinking that they were wondering why I was walking with all the multiple stroller.

I can't thank the Multiples group enough for their continued support - I've met so many new wonderful friends. Did you know that in our county (Marin) we have more mutiple births than ANWHERE else in the country? Amazing.

Here are a few pictures from the parade.

Kaitlyn was on her feeding pump during the walk, and of course vomited about 3 times. But at least I got out of the house right?

I hope you all had a Happy 4th of July!

See all the burp cloths at the ready and her "Daddy is my hero" fireman bib?

You can see the feeding tube go up the left side of the stroller and her feeding pump is in the small black bag on top of the stroller. The marchers ("Redwood City" in front of us are actually quite funny. Redwood City is 40 minutes from where we live, but supposedly, the batoon twirlers were kicked out of their town parade because they marched too slowly, so they joined ours!

Some of our twin moms and kids that were in the pardade with me. (See the triplets in the very back?)

Our fearless leaders, Jen and Heather, of our group holding the banner.

Disjointed thoughts/questions about poor Kaitlyn's vomiting

Well, I belong to a few message boards where I go to find out help for Kaitlyn and all of her issues.

Her vomiting is bad. Really bad. I almost posted today a signle sentence: Help, I'm having a nervous break-down. Well, I'm thinking a bit more straight now, but I am going to post my plea for help that I've posted to a few boards - it's a few posts, hence why it's a little disjointed, but here you go:

Tonight I about had a nervous break-down. Seriously. Kaitlyn vomited about 20x yesteray and today. Yes 20 times! this is not spit-up. Vomit! Lots of vomit. over and over and over.

OK, I've about had it with my DD's vomiting, I know she's had it too. I'm absolutely convinced that she's miserable, and would be a completely different baby if I could just get her vomiting to stop. She still doesn't smile - it just breaks my heart. She's an "amazingly good baby" for all the vomiting she has to endure, she sleeps great, is content and generally good natured - she just doesn’t' eat and vomits a lot and doesn't smile or laugh like a 6 mo old baby definitely should.
My Surviving twin daughter was born 13 weeks early, she's now almost 6 months adjusted. She's now about 12.5 pounds. She's in the 5% for her adjusted age.
I'm fed up with her GI doc, I have an appointment with another one, but have to wait 3 weeks. I'm about out of breast milk - Well, I think she's got about a month or more left (frozen).
I thought I'd turn to all of you for help/advice/suggestions: Here's some "medical" background…. -paralyzed left vocal chord (it's "open") . She has a small amount of aspiration shown by her recent swallow study, but I think it was only when she first put food in her mouth, as she's not used to it - once she realized, she actually swallows quite well (as seen by the swallow study). Her first swallow study while she was still in the nicu showed no aspiration.
-g-tube fed (as she's lost all desire to suck, doesn't understand what being hungry is all about). She was always NG fed while in the nicu and when she came home. She USED to breast feed and suck a bottle decently well, she just never ate enough (according to the NICU so always had to be supplemented).
-She was taking a small amount (of cereal and some solids) by spoon, but that has since gotten bad, she now shuts her lips and wants none of it
-She vomits all the time. Sometimes worse than others. When she vomits "bad" it seems to go in cycles. Lasts for a few days.. Just when we think the vomit is a bit better, and even go a feed or 2 without vomit, then she vomits horribly
-She is fed: 3 one hour pump feeds of breast milk vol: 140 over an hour; then for 10 hours at night continuously (700 vol).
-We've started trying formulas, as my pediatrician found out that the GI doc didn't have her getting enough vol and the formula is more caloric than breast milk - she used to be on fortified breast milk, but I think it caused her to vomit more (it was phlegm thick formula vomits that she doesn't have without formula)-----We tried neosure again (that was what she was on as a fortifier and our pediatrician said preemies should be on that for a year (our pediatrician was a neonatologist - she's great); also tried some sort of milk protein digested formula called Allementum) ---when we tried these formulas, we tried them at the "night" feed time. She NEVER vomits during her night feeds on breast milk, it's at a slower rate. Well, on both occasions of the formula, she vomited horribly…..So, even though she vomits on and off with breast milk, she never normally vomits at the night feeds, and it was so bad on the formula - I stopped the feed, defrosted breast milk, changed it over, and then no problem….
-She was on reglan, it didn't seem to do anything-She's never constipated and never had NEC-She was on zantac - didn't seem to do anything, she's now on prilosec Any suggestions for us? Here's a few specific questions - -A question or thought I've always had, could she be having problems with something (diary) that was in m diet in my breast milk? Is that why the vomit gets worse some times more than others????
-What type of formula should she we try now? -Any other meds to suggest? - I really don't want to have to go the route of a fundo, as she does gain weight on her curve (although she's at the bottom of the curve - she's consistent).
-When might she outgrow reflux? I asked her pedi this, and she said that kids usually do, but that she has a 7 yr old patient who has it bad still…..ugh.
Uggh, I don't know I'm getting so desperate and miserable - I can't take the vomit any more. I want my baby to smile at me and not be so sad, I'm so tired of doing laundry (or my husband is at least), I'm so tired of always changing my clothes and having to be completely on alert for vomit patrol……I want her to eat!!! I'm tired of the g-tube and the pump. It's so awful to have to hold her while she's attached and carry around the iv pole. I know I have years ahead of me of the gtube…...

New post: OK, thank you ALL for your comments and suggestions....I'm too tired (and covered in vomit) and about to have a total break down to respond and answer your questions-

Basically we tried Neocate tonight, and I thought she was golden, fell asleep, went for about 60cc's then one vomit, then an hour later a huge vomit. I was in tears...went to change her, had her new clean pj's all laid out (I was prepared and hadn't changed her BEFORE the formula just in case), and then she proceeded to pee everywhere, then vomited over my shoulder, all over the carpet, down my shirt, and my DH is out playing hockey.....and yes it's midnight.

But as some of you suggested, this was switching cold turkey....no transition.

My ped says she needs 150 cal per kilo, hence the volume (and she's had fairly consistent weight growth), I wonder why such the big variation between docs? My ped is/was a neonatologist.

-She's ALWAYS upright, she vomits when she's sound asleep as well as awake, (no activity or pressing on belly), she had only a small vomit at her afternoon feed (on breast milk), after a huge one this am...ugggh, I'm so frustrated and exhausted and poor little Kaitlyn.

-there is a nutritionist that met with me when we last saw the gi, but I never met with just her, she sort of nodded and stuff - not much more than that.
-never have tried thickening feeds

-newest post: Well, that was last week that I posted the above and things are WORSE –

We have been trying 50/50 breast milk/neocate with no success. Incredible vomit. So tonight I gave up and for her bolus 6pm feed I went back to just BM and NO VOMIT! Tonight on her night time feed, breast milk only and NOT vomit!

I’m so afraid, because we have only about 1 month left of frozen BM. What do I do.

-I also just read a link on the boards here that her dose of Prilosec is WAY TOO LOW. She’s on 1x/day 6ml and she weighs almost 13 pounds (she just was increased from 5ml to 6ml).
-She’s never had a PH probe.
-She’s always elevated, but it really doesn’t seem to make a difference.
-And some other stuff: she’s never really upset. If this was “true” reflux, wouldn’t she be arching, upset and colicky? She’s not. She can be sound asleep, completely upright (chair upright) and the vomit will come and wake her up, she’ll projectile and then fall back asleep, then more vomit and then back asleep.
-She “burps” a lot, and vomits.
-When she passes gas or has a BM, she vomits
-Should we try Enfamil AR?
-Shouldn’t she be on a higher dose of Prilosec
-She vomited about 20+ times each day for the last 3 days. So tonight back on BM was a huge deal, but I’m almost out!
-If it were allergies, wouldn’t being on neocate solve the problem – it’s obviously not.
-Sometimes she gets these gagging/retching/turning red episodes while she tries to get stuff out of her throat (sometimes it’s just morning phlegm, no milk)
-her vomits are just liquid milk/forumla, nothing digested
-And remember, she HAS had vomiting issues on just BM, but they come and go- and it’s frozen milk, so I don’t know what I ate then.

UGGGGGHHHH, what do I do. My poor little baby. Please help me from having a nervous breakdown. I can’t deal with 20+ times of vomit a day. Sorry this is so disjointed….It’s actually about how my brain is feeling/working right now. I can’t seem to get a straight thought out of my brain that doesn’t have to do with trying to figure out how to make it stop.

There's a video of Kaitlyn vomiting on my blog if you'd like to see it from the 2nd to last post. Well, thanks for letting me vent, cry and scream here…I'd love any suggestions you may have.

Kaitlyn's 6 months NICU follow up

Kaitlyn had her first follow-up from the NICU. This is an evaluation 6 months (after her due date not her birth date). We still have to go back for the developmental part of the follow-up. As I was at the hospital for 4 hours yesterday, where we saw: Neurologist, EI specialist (Jan who comes to our home every few weeks), Social Worker, Nurse Practicioner.

I also ran around getting a urine sample from Kaitlyn to rule out a UTI infection - as her ped is trying to rule out any reason why she's vomiting so much lately. You may ask, how do you get urine from a baby? Well, you clean the "area" very well, and dry it, then attach a sticky bag, put her diaper back on and wait. I had to run to the hospital for her NICU follow-up, so when I was there, I had to unstick the bag to later take to the lab (she doesn't have an infection). And of course she vomited throughout this whole ordeal of running around. Well not throughout, just one very large vomit and one small spit-up.

The best news is that Kaitlyn was basically "cleared" by the Neuroloigst for neurological diseases like Cerebral Palsey (CP). This is a REALLY big deal. Now we figured she was probably out of the danger zone, but it was really nice to hear it officially. CP is a very common disease for preemies, primarily when they were without oxygen.

a rare time that Kaitlyn is actually looking at me - and watching me eat some tuna fish!! Maybe she'll get the idea! She just started putting her head to the side while on her tummy and can now lay like this for a period of time (whereas she used to get pissed off after a while).

A Steelers picture for Uncle Wayne in Pittsburgh! Thanks Uncle Wayne!!!

Dad holding Kaitlyn like a football. She's wearing the cute new onsie that Lisa M just sent! Thank you Lisa!!!! It fits perfectly!

She looks comfortable

Is this a laundry basket? Yes, I had to show what my life has been like lately. This is from ONE day of vomit cleaning. ONE DAY!!!! This is what we have to do day after day after day after day after day. You get the point.

Updated Kaitlyn Pictures....

It's been very hot lately, so Kaitlyn has spent some time in the buff lately. Here is her typical expression....

She looks almost "chubby" in this picture, I think it's just the way she's sitting.

Not sure if you can see it, but her TINY scar from her heart surgery (PDA surgery) when she was 4 days old is growing with her and is now quite long on her shoulder blade - at least 3-4 inches.

She loves to sleep curled up on her side - now you can see her swing is covered in burp cloths, blankets and of course she has on a bib...all in antipation of vomit - we are always at the ready. See her crossed arms....she'll "cuddle" anything you put in her arms. . It's so cute.

An attemp at carrots last week. Unfortunately, her feeding with the spoon has gone downhill. She no longer even allows me to get anything in her mouth any more. She clamps down with her lips. So much for some early success with the spoon and solids.

Here's actually a video of her eating carrots:

Kaitlyn eating carrots 2 weeks or so ago

Another Carrots Picture

Sitting in her fancy new Boppy that friends of Mame and Gille (Brian's parents) sent Kaitlyn this week. And in a very cute little dress

Kaitlyn in her bassinet with her feeding tube attached. As I mentioned, she LOVES sleeping on her side, with her arms crossed, cuddling anything. I've recently given her this super soft lamb-blanket (a gift from step-sister Kris W) and in the morning she is still cuddling it. I wish I had taken a picture of her in her bassinet when she first came home. She was so tiny in it, now she has almost outgrown it.

Our friends Keith and Kim came for a visit this last weekend. We took kaitlyn out for lunch at a restaurant in Tiburon (Sam's for the locals). it was HOT. Keith and Kim are from New Orleans and are actually "family" in a complicated way. The first floor of their house was completely flooded from Hurrican Katrina, but there were able to rebuild and just moved back in. It was SOOOO great to see them!

R.I.P.

It's been a bit since I've updated ...life and taking care of Kaitlyn has been getting in the way of blogging (that's a good thing).

I have news though, yesterday I officially retired my breast pump. Yes, R.I.P to my breastpump. After a 8+ (almost 9) month "intimate" relationship with my breast pump, I'm not going to miss it. Kaitlyn is on milk that is defrosted from the begining of March, but my supply really started going down not long after that - I don't know how much she'll have left, probably about 2 months I'm guessing.

The last few days Kaitlyn has been vomiting terribly....Really terribly. I feel so horrible for the little thing, she looks up at me with these teary eyes right before she vomits, like is pleading with me to make it go away. It just breaks my heart that there is nothing that I can do for her...and no, "they" don't tell me when it's going to stop. I get asked alot about what "they" say about her vomiting... I think people mean her many doctors and what their expert opinion is about why this is happening or when it's going to stop. But there is no answer as far as I can tell.

I have forgotten to report that K has 2 visits with a Physical Therapist. The really good news is that as of this time they don't really want to work on much with her (besides the "typical" stuff of tummy time, helping her roll over (she should be rolling over by now). This is great news. They were worried however about her continued averting gaze and non-smiling.

I was with 2 12 month old twins today, and seeing their smiles was so precious. How I yearn to see Miss Kaitlyn smile at me.

Kaitlyn's last weight check was 12 pounds 4 ounces, I'm guessing (hoping) she's at 12 1/2 pounds now - then again with all of her recent vomiting, who knows.

We have started trying to give her some formula to replace some of my milk, (but yesterday she had no formula and a TON of vomiting). It's very frustrating.

Here's a link to a video of Kaitlyn vomiting.... (this is my first attempt at uploading a video)

Kaitlyn Vomiting

Now a few notes about the above clip...She vomited in 3 spurts, (I missed the last and largest one). the first one was definitely projectile, and the end of the video you can hear K's "cry".

Pictures from my crazy day the other day

Visit with Dad at the fire house. This particular station in San Francisco is in the "Haight", the home of the Grateful Dead. If you look above Brian's head, you'll see that station's logo, which is a Grateful Dead Head! These were taken with my cell phone camera - not very good quality

Close up of Dad and Katie

Bonding for almost Father's Day

Eating Peas. Ok, it looks like she's really going to town "eating" in this picture, but she is really more interested in biting the spoon and blowing bubbles - she grabbed it right out of my hands.

And, you can tell by this shot, she decided to have fun "blowing bubbles" with the peas...this picture really doesn't do justice to the splattering of peas everywhere, including me!

Wow - Peas!

After the pea episode (and a bath), doing a little tummy time. Wow, I'm 12 pounds 4 ounces! I'm becoming a "Big Girl"

Kaitlyn really likes her colorful music box.

Tired, Tired, Tired!

Wow, what a day....

Don't even know where to start....

Brian worked a double (48 hours straight), which means I was on my own...

4:30 am, Kaitlyn started stiring (rare for her so early) so I changed her diaper
5:00 am K had a big poop so I changed her diaper again
5:30-6:30 K threw up about 3 or 4 times

8:20 Got up and took a quick shower, got dressed, etc.

9:00 A guy came to fix a crack in my windshield and our cleaning woman arrived (who I forgot was coming) so I had to crazily clean up tossed vomit burp cloths, diapers etc from the night-time craziness as well as try assemble the house somewhat so she could clean - it was a wreck.

9:05 Get ready for 3 doctor visits in SF- ran around, changed K's clothes (covered in vomit from night time vomits), pick up, defrost her breast milk for the day and measure out for specific feedings, pack supplies and spoon and rice cereal and sweet potatoes for a visit with K's feeding specialist in SF and pack cooled milk burp cloths and bibs (and extra clothes just in case) for a feeding on the road after a day of doc visits- also pack extra Mic-key button that needs to be changed for her appointment with her GI doc

9:35 Hooked K up early to her feeding pump so it will finish early as we have to leave the house

9:40 waited for the glass guy to finish and leave so I could pump breast milk (I'm down to 1 pump a day!)

10:25 or so leave the house, knowing I'll likely be late for the first doc appointment in SF; pull-over so I can stop the alarm from her pump as her feed finished

11:15 after driving around to find parking arrive late at my doctors office (I had to go to a new primary care doc, as my prior one no longer took my insurance) and I needed a specialist visit to f/u with the ultrasound I had last week on my thyroid (I've had cysts for a few years and they needed to be checked to see if they've grown - they have a bit), so I need to see an endocrinologist. I also ask for help about my JAW - more about that later...The NP can't find my faxed records, so I don't finish until about 11:45.

11:45 RUN with kaitlyn in her stroller to my car, as her GI appointment is across town at noon! Drive through golden gate park, and park and rush all over huge UCSF to get to GI

12:10 Late, obviously, meet with GI, Kaitlyn gets weighed and measured !! Yeah!!! She's up to 12 pounds 4 ounces! (Have I ever mentioned that I've eaten yet - no, will get to that later). We changed her Mikkey button for the first time (for the last week she's been fussy and crying when cleaning or hooking up her feeding tube, so I think that it needs to be changed or is too small now that she's growing). Kaitlyn screams (as much as she can) is very upset and promptly falls asleep afterwards in my arms....

1:25 finish up and run again, across many elevator towers to a different part of UCSF (at least I don't have to drive) for K's feeding Specialist appointment - Kaitlyn is sacked out, not a good sign for her feeding appointment to show that she is actually eating SOME solids!

We started about 3 days ago with sweet potatoes, and she is actually swallowing it and hasn't been upset! I'm so excited to show the feeding OT our success. But Kaitlyn would have none of it, she did wake up but wasn't the least bit interested in eating, so we left.

2:45 Call Brian, he's actually stationed at a fire house super close to UCSF, so we drive by to see dad at work....I forgot my camera but took a few pics of fireman dad holding K in front of the fire engine with my cell phone had to stop on the drive home when her pump alarmed with her feed being finished (no vomit)

3:30 stopped by my office to drop off an escrow file for a house that is closing on monday

4:00 or so - tried once again to eat something for the first time today, but I can't - why you ask?

Well, I've been having some dental work done - cavities from when I was a child all need to be replaced and I've been 2 times in the last 2 weeks. BUT alas, it seems that I've had some bite/jaw issues all along that are only surfacing now with all the work being done and the result is that I can't open my mouth! Hardly at all. It's been getting worse the last few days (It's been a week since my last visit so I thoguht it would get better), but no. I tried to eat a banana yesterday and had to eat it sideways. I can't even open my mouth enough to eat a power bar! I haven't eating all day. Driving back to Marin I stop and get a milk-shake and some french fries (small and soft) and call the dentist. I knew I couldn't make it in earlier today, and he does definitely want to see me, which I find out as I neared my house, so I got back on the free way to visit the dentist at 4:30pm.

Home at 5:30 pm, feed Kaitlyn some peas (first time with peas). Which was actually quite a funny experience, as she was somewhat interested in the process (but not eating), She thought it was great fun to blow bubbles as I put the spoon in her mouth, and even proceeded to grab the spoon and "feed herself" well, not really, as soon as the spoon hit her mouth, she blew all the peas everywhere......yes everywhere. I gave up trying to keep her clean at that point and knew she was destined for a bath.

5:45 - gave her a bath, got her milk ready for her 6:00 feed.

6:30 K threw up 2x, cleaned that up. she PROMPTLY fell asleep.

7:15 after feed was done, got upset again...picked her up , got a good burp (no vomit - yeah), and she feel asleep on my chest. (She hasn't done this in some time). I sat and vegged on the couch with her sleeping on my chest until it got ready for her night time feed at 8:30 pm.....

It's now 11:00pm

Well, that's life in the McCarthy household.

Blogger isn't letting me post pictures, I'll try again on friday.

You'd think after I'll I'd been through....

OK, this is too funny.


After carrying my girls for months, the IVF shots I endured, 10 weeks on bedrest, leaking of amniotic fluid, weeks in the hospital, packing my c-section incision, becoming septic, and now the daily barfing episodes, feeding tube, doctor visits, and so on.... that at least my daughter would at least look like me.....


No, alas! We now know the TRUTH. Kaitlyn is DEFINITELY Brian's daughter.

Ah ha! I at least have answers for those funny red eyebrows, the funny expressions and the color of hair (is it blonde? is it red? Is it brown?).....

Introducing Kaitlyn (well, actually Brian when he was a baby!) Brian's mom just sent these to me today! (Check out her cool 70's garb in the johnny-jump-up picture!)

Kaitlyn is DEFINITELY Brian's daughter!