We are back from a much needed R&R fabulous vacation in the Dominican Republic!!
I survived my 40th birthday and we enjoyed our 2nd Anniversary in luxury accomodations.
Hurrican Eduardo and all, we are home! We got in at 1 am this morning, and I picked up a stomach bug of sorts, but we are were so happy to see Miss Kaitlyn.
I was hoping for a much awaited smile from her, but alas no smiles still.
I'll post the details and pictures soon, but Kaitlyn grew so much while we were gone, I hardly recognized her! Ha, just kidding. But I was amazed how much she grew in 8 days. If you don't recall, Kaitlyn stayed at the George Mark Childrens House. www.GeorgeMark.org
I'm curently downloading the 749 emails I got while I was away for 8 days (only about 25 of those were spam!)
Liz and Brian
Friday, September 01, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
What are they thinking???
Here's a conversation I had this morning:
A: "Hi, this is A, I'd like to schedule Kaitlyn's pulmonary function test for 9am on such and such day next week."
me: "OK, that day works for me"
A: "what is your email address so I can email you the pre-test instructions."
me: I'ts ....."
A: "Great, well the letter that I'm emailing will explain it, but you'll need to wake-up your daughter at 4:00 am and don't let her go back to sleep before the 9am test."
me: "What.....?"
A: "Yes, your daughter will need to be awakened at 4am to get "ready" for the test."
me: "Umm, let me get this straight you want me to wake my sleeping baby who sleeps great through the night who will be in the middle of her night time 10 hour pump-feed and will likely vomit upon waking, and then try to keep her awake and drive to the city in the middle of traffic by myself keeping her awake still? Are you kidding me?????"
A: "Yes, she needs to be awake for so many hours before the test."
me: "Well, why can't we do the test later in the day, when she'll be awake anyways? I can't believe you are asking me to wake my sleeping infant at 4am."
A: "well, I guess I can call the lung doctor and see if he could do the test in the afternoon."
me: "Yes, um I think that would be a good idea."
Sheesh!
A: "Hi, this is A, I'd like to schedule Kaitlyn's pulmonary function test for 9am on such and such day next week."
me: "OK, that day works for me"
A: "what is your email address so I can email you the pre-test instructions."
me: I'ts ....."
A: "Great, well the letter that I'm emailing will explain it, but you'll need to wake-up your daughter at 4:00 am and don't let her go back to sleep before the 9am test."
me: "What.....?"
A: "Yes, your daughter will need to be awakened at 4am to get "ready" for the test."
me: "Umm, let me get this straight you want me to wake my sleeping baby who sleeps great through the night who will be in the middle of her night time 10 hour pump-feed and will likely vomit upon waking, and then try to keep her awake and drive to the city in the middle of traffic by myself keeping her awake still? Are you kidding me?????"
A: "Yes, she needs to be awake for so many hours before the test."
me: "Well, why can't we do the test later in the day, when she'll be awake anyways? I can't believe you are asking me to wake my sleeping infant at 4am."
A: "well, I guess I can call the lung doctor and see if he could do the test in the afternoon."
me: "Yes, um I think that would be a good idea."
Sheesh!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Lots of Pictures for your enjoyment!!!
In a seperate post below, I also wrote an update - be sure to check that out too.
A close up...
Kaitlyn and Nana Corinne - Kaitlyn was dressed up to go to the George mark family picnic.
Mom going to an open house, Nana dressed Kaitlyn in a cute summer outfit from my friend Lynne.
Serious Kaitlyn held by Nana while she's being fed
Thursday - the family in front of Brian's 4-wheeler that he restored on his way out of town for his boys trip. This is it's first trip out.
Kaitlyn driving. look how excited dad is to be going out of town - big smile.
Serios Katilyn before I gave her a bath a few days ago.
Kaitlyn after her bath - nice towel dried hair!!!
This is just a few minutes afterwards - I actually have to comb her hair now!! Look at those rolls and that belly!
Mom, I'm all clean now after my bath. This was during our 4 days alone.
I took these pictures today - if you remember a few weeks ago I posted a picture of K in the exersaucer, and her feet didn't touch the bottom.....
Look at those feet now!
Boy, that serious face never changes!
A few days ago, attempting to eat sweet potatoes. Much more on Kaitlyn than she ate.
The old attempt of "trying to get her to taste the food off her fingers."
Funny enough, Katilyn doesn't really like to be so messy, in her hand is a paper towel. She'll take the towel and "wipe" her face down until it's actually clean!! (I'm sure it's not on purpose, but it sure is funny).
Putting anything else besides food in her mouth - this is a new rattle from my friend Lynn.
These are pictures of Katilyn with her cousin DJ. DJ is my step-sisters son, who I was lucky enough to see be born into this world. DJ was due 2 days before Katilyn's due date, so technically, they are the same age. DJ is 99% of the charts, whereas Kaitlyn is at about 5% of the charts for her adjusted age. Whitney came up to visit with DJ and bought Brian and I dinner a few weekends ago. It was so great to see them. Katilyn seems a little more interested in her hand than her cousin.
Kaitlyn says, "hey, that's my favorite toy!"
Some very cute cousin bonding. I became a bit sad, seeing the two of them together, thinking that I shoudl have so many pictures of my 2 babies together. It was great to see DJ and Kaitlyn together. They were actually born in the same hospital, and where there at the same time, (well Katilyn was there for 4 months and DJ was there for 2 days).
A little better perspective of how big DJ is, but Kaitlyn looks great next to him.
This cute outfit is from my good friend Diana.
Look at the cute rear pockets!
Nana Corinne holding her grand daughter. She was so happy to see her little one. She's been waiting a long time for a grand daughter.
My mom and I tried to take Kaitlyn swimming for her first time. It wasn't very successful, she lasted a few minutes then became upset. But she sure was cute!
Look at her little g-button.
This cute robe Kaitlyun (after swimming) was from my Cousin Jennifer in Michigan. it's a little bunny hood.
A better view of the bunny hood.
A close up...
Kaitlyn and Nana Corinne - Kaitlyn was dressed up to go to the George mark family picnic.
Mom going to an open house, Nana dressed Kaitlyn in a cute summer outfit from my friend Lynne.
Serious Kaitlyn held by Nana while she's being fed
Thursday - the family in front of Brian's 4-wheeler that he restored on his way out of town for his boys trip. This is it's first trip out.
Kaitlyn driving. look how excited dad is to be going out of town - big smile.
Serios Katilyn before I gave her a bath a few days ago.
Kaitlyn after her bath - nice towel dried hair!!!
This is just a few minutes afterwards - I actually have to comb her hair now!! Look at those rolls and that belly!
Mom, I'm all clean now after my bath. This was during our 4 days alone.
I took these pictures today - if you remember a few weeks ago I posted a picture of K in the exersaucer, and her feet didn't touch the bottom.....
Look at those feet now!
Boy, that serious face never changes!
A few days ago, attempting to eat sweet potatoes. Much more on Kaitlyn than she ate.
The old attempt of "trying to get her to taste the food off her fingers."
Funny enough, Katilyn doesn't really like to be so messy, in her hand is a paper towel. She'll take the towel and "wipe" her face down until it's actually clean!! (I'm sure it's not on purpose, but it sure is funny).
Putting anything else besides food in her mouth - this is a new rattle from my friend Lynn.
These are pictures of Katilyn with her cousin DJ. DJ is my step-sisters son, who I was lucky enough to see be born into this world. DJ was due 2 days before Katilyn's due date, so technically, they are the same age. DJ is 99% of the charts, whereas Kaitlyn is at about 5% of the charts for her adjusted age. Whitney came up to visit with DJ and bought Brian and I dinner a few weekends ago. It was so great to see them. Katilyn seems a little more interested in her hand than her cousin.
Kaitlyn says, "hey, that's my favorite toy!"
Some very cute cousin bonding. I became a bit sad, seeing the two of them together, thinking that I shoudl have so many pictures of my 2 babies together. It was great to see DJ and Kaitlyn together. They were actually born in the same hospital, and where there at the same time, (well Katilyn was there for 4 months and DJ was there for 2 days).
A little better perspective of how big DJ is, but Kaitlyn looks great next to him.Sunday, August 13, 2006
I survived.....
8/13/06
I survived!
Brian’s been gone on a boys 4 wheeling trip for four days. He was due back today, but he called me when he got off the Rincon Train (near Tahoe) and said that is truck was now only going into 1st gear, and he hadn’t figured yet out how he’s going to get home.
Well, here are the updates on our lovely Miss Kaitlyn –
Between Kaitlyn and me, we had 10 doctor visits this week – yes 10!!!
It’s been such a crazy week that I can’t even think back to when I last wrote. Hmm where should I start?:
- Kaitlyn has had just one episode of the “coffee ground vomit” (blood in the vomit), yesterday. She went almost a week without doing it at all.
- She’s still vomiting, some feeds more than others, but at least on occasion I can go a feed without vomit.
- She’s gaining weight - her last weight check she was 14 ½ pounds.
- Eye follow up appointment – Her ROP seems to be completely resolved. She will likely have some peripheral vision loss as a result to the laser surgery that fixed the ROP disease, but it is likely to be minimal. Her eyes aren’t crossing any longer – they seem to have corrected all on their own. And she is near-sighted, but at this point, only -1.5%. The eye doc said that we’ll have to wait until she’s 18 months old (corrected), until we have a better idea as to what her vision will be and whether she’ll need glasses.
- Kaitlyn had her 2nd lung hypoxic challenge – which means she was put in a little tent in a reduced oxygen environment to see how she her she saturated. The last time she had this test she “failed” it, We don’t have the official results from the doctor yet, but she seemed to do a lot better. This means a few things if she indeed “passed.” It means that Kaitlyn can go on a plane or to high altitude. She wasn’t allowed to up to this point. She is going to have a 2nd lung test in the next month or so which will test her actual lung health.
- Kaitlyn had to have a meeting at her Regional Center office with the head doctor. In addition to a “home teacher” that she’ll be getting, we also talked about seeing a Speech Therapist that can hopefully help with her eating.
- I addition to all of the above appointments, I had a dentist appointment, a Physical Therapist appointment for my jaw, and a physical with a new primary care physician. I met with some new clients, showed quite a few houses, held an open house today, and OF COURSE, took care of Kaitlyn along while Brian was away (with a bit of help from her nurse Lucy who came 2 days).
- Kaitlyn is rolling over both directions – from her stomach. She used to only roll to the left, now she can roll both ways. We’ve seen her roll a few times from her back to her stomach, but usually with a little bit of help.
- She is teething! But I have to tell you, with all the horror stories I’ve heard from other mom’s and their babies teething, Kaitlyn is one tough cookie. One of her bottom teeth is poking through a tiny bit (I can feel it when she bites on my finger, it’s quite sharp), but she just rolls her tongue over it, and continues to try to put everything into her mouth. She seems to have taken great linking to biting her feeding tube – so I have to watch her like a hawk. No fever, maybe a little bit more fussy, but basically same Miss Kaitlyn.
- Eating. Well that’s not going very well at all. I try every day to feed her solids (or rice cereal) via spoon, and she has gotten very good at clamping down her lips, turning away and making it generally very clear that she wants nothing to do with food. When I give her a spoon, she’ll put that it her mouth, but not before she takes her other hand and basically wipes away all of the food first. I also try to use the soft-feeder on occasion (the soft-feeder is a cup feeder where I try to get her to “drink”, I can get a bit into her mouth, which she’ll swallow, but much more goes down her chin.
- My mom, Grandma “Nana” came for a visit. It’s been a few months since she’s seen her granddaughter – I warned her that she wasn’t going to ever want to leave that Kaitlyn has grown so much. Nana indeed didn’t want to leave and couldn’t get enough of holding her. She was so cute, she went stroller walking with Miss Kaitlyn and was obviously very proud to show her off to anyone she saw.
- While my mom was here we went to a Family Barbeque at the George Mark center. Again, the George Mark center is the incredible respite and hospice home for children where Kaitlyn is going to stay when we go on vacation next week. It was really nice to meet some other families while we were there. We met in the chapel for a parent’s session, and it was very powerful – some of their children passed away at the home - it was very emotional.
Well, I think that's about it.
Pictures coming in a seperate post...
I survived!
Brian’s been gone on a boys 4 wheeling trip for four days. He was due back today, but he called me when he got off the Rincon Train (near Tahoe) and said that is truck was now only going into 1st gear, and he hadn’t figured yet out how he’s going to get home.
Well, here are the updates on our lovely Miss Kaitlyn –
Between Kaitlyn and me, we had 10 doctor visits this week – yes 10!!!
It’s been such a crazy week that I can’t even think back to when I last wrote. Hmm where should I start?:
- Kaitlyn has had just one episode of the “coffee ground vomit” (blood in the vomit), yesterday. She went almost a week without doing it at all.
- She’s still vomiting, some feeds more than others, but at least on occasion I can go a feed without vomit.
- She’s gaining weight - her last weight check she was 14 ½ pounds.
- Eye follow up appointment – Her ROP seems to be completely resolved. She will likely have some peripheral vision loss as a result to the laser surgery that fixed the ROP disease, but it is likely to be minimal. Her eyes aren’t crossing any longer – they seem to have corrected all on their own. And she is near-sighted, but at this point, only -1.5%. The eye doc said that we’ll have to wait until she’s 18 months old (corrected), until we have a better idea as to what her vision will be and whether she’ll need glasses.
- Kaitlyn had her 2nd lung hypoxic challenge – which means she was put in a little tent in a reduced oxygen environment to see how she her she saturated. The last time she had this test she “failed” it, We don’t have the official results from the doctor yet, but she seemed to do a lot better. This means a few things if she indeed “passed.” It means that Kaitlyn can go on a plane or to high altitude. She wasn’t allowed to up to this point. She is going to have a 2nd lung test in the next month or so which will test her actual lung health.
- Kaitlyn had to have a meeting at her Regional Center office with the head doctor. In addition to a “home teacher” that she’ll be getting, we also talked about seeing a Speech Therapist that can hopefully help with her eating.
- I addition to all of the above appointments, I had a dentist appointment, a Physical Therapist appointment for my jaw, and a physical with a new primary care physician. I met with some new clients, showed quite a few houses, held an open house today, and OF COURSE, took care of Kaitlyn along while Brian was away (with a bit of help from her nurse Lucy who came 2 days).
- Kaitlyn is rolling over both directions – from her stomach. She used to only roll to the left, now she can roll both ways. We’ve seen her roll a few times from her back to her stomach, but usually with a little bit of help.
- She is teething! But I have to tell you, with all the horror stories I’ve heard from other mom’s and their babies teething, Kaitlyn is one tough cookie. One of her bottom teeth is poking through a tiny bit (I can feel it when she bites on my finger, it’s quite sharp), but she just rolls her tongue over it, and continues to try to put everything into her mouth. She seems to have taken great linking to biting her feeding tube – so I have to watch her like a hawk. No fever, maybe a little bit more fussy, but basically same Miss Kaitlyn.
- Eating. Well that’s not going very well at all. I try every day to feed her solids (or rice cereal) via spoon, and she has gotten very good at clamping down her lips, turning away and making it generally very clear that she wants nothing to do with food. When I give her a spoon, she’ll put that it her mouth, but not before she takes her other hand and basically wipes away all of the food first. I also try to use the soft-feeder on occasion (the soft-feeder is a cup feeder where I try to get her to “drink”, I can get a bit into her mouth, which she’ll swallow, but much more goes down her chin.
- My mom, Grandma “Nana” came for a visit. It’s been a few months since she’s seen her granddaughter – I warned her that she wasn’t going to ever want to leave that Kaitlyn has grown so much. Nana indeed didn’t want to leave and couldn’t get enough of holding her. She was so cute, she went stroller walking with Miss Kaitlyn and was obviously very proud to show her off to anyone she saw.
- While my mom was here we went to a Family Barbeque at the George Mark center. Again, the George Mark center is the incredible respite and hospice home for children where Kaitlyn is going to stay when we go on vacation next week. It was really nice to meet some other families while we were there. We met in the chapel for a parent’s session, and it was very powerful – some of their children passed away at the home - it was very emotional.
Well, I think that's about it.
Pictures coming in a seperate post...
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Good and bad news
In a few days (on 8/4) Kaitlyn will be officially 10 months old or 7 months adjusted.
I've been so busy the last few days, with work and of course medical issues...here's a quick update on Miss Kaitlyn - some good and bad news.
1. Kaitlyn started rolling over!!!!! Now, babies that are 4-5 months should be rolling over, and Kaitlyn just learned yesterday. But she IS a preemie and we knew she'd be delayed - we are ecstatic that she's figured out how to roll, now the problem is that she no longer likes to lie on her belly at all, she rolls right off her belly to her back. She can only roll to one side - but it's so cute to watch her go!!!
2. Kaitlyn seems to have found a "voice" - Now, before you get too excited.....this isn't a "voice" like you'd expect a baby to have. Her vocal chord is still paralyzed. The noise she is making is like a sickly quacky duck noise...I'll do my best to get it on video for you all to "enjoy". This noise she makes is a bit "disturbing" so that if strangers were to hear they would say or think, "wow, what's up with that baby?" That already happened the other night - I guess I have to get used to it. I however think her "voice" is music to my ears! It's so wonderful to hear her make some noise!! I've been waiting a LONG time.
4. Due to the amazing generosity of our family/friends, we now have a LOT more breast milk. So much so that today I switched her back to almost entirely breast milk, and as soon as we switched back her vomiting seemed to decrease. Good thing, as the last few days of vomiting have been HORRIBLE. We’ll see what the next few days look like. I try not to get too excited over less vomit anymore, as it always seems to be followed by more vomit.
Thank you again to:
Elissa – Brian’s sister who sent us maybe 700 ounces of milk!!! Her daughter (Kaitlyn’s beautiful cousin Stella and my niece is just over 3 months old now - they live in CT).
Thank you MacKenzie – boy did we have some problems getting her breast milk. Isn’t FedEx supposed to be the most dependable no matter what – well, on this EXTREMELY important shipment of frozen breast milk, Fed Ex “forgot” to get the package on the outgoing plane from Texas, so instead of getting to me within about 10 hours, instead it was well over 30 hours. Sadly some of it did defrost, but not entirely, and from what I understand if there are any ice crystals in the milk, it’s still ok to refreeze. None of it had completely thawed. MacKenze sent us about 300 ounces of milk from Texas.
Thank you Lisa – Lisa lives locally by me so we didn’t have to deal with shipping – Lisa has given birth to 2 preemies and is so amazing to give us her precious stash as she’s said she’d keep pumping for her son…
I’m SOOOOO incredibly touched by the gifts of this liquid gold for Kaitlyn. My words really can’t express enough how touched I am by this. MacKenzie was a TOTAL stranger to us, introduced by another NICU mom, and I had only recently met Lisa. Elissa had to go back to work and is pumping while she’s driving to and from her job (now she did get that hint from pumping and driving from me, as I used to do that all the time – it was a lifesaver!) Now these amazing women will truly be a part forever more of miss Kaitlyn.
5. Now for the bad news. A few days ago, and we confirmed it today, Kaitlyn has started having "coffee grind emesis". What is that you may ask? Well, when a person has an upper GI bleed (or stomach bleed) it comes out as vomit (emesis) that looks like it has coffee grinds in it. So yes, Kaitlyn is vomiting blood. This isn't good obviously. So today I ran around calling her doctors and getting blood tests. This was her first blood test since she left the NICU, which wasn't very pleasant for either of us (Kaitlyn or her mom), but she did really well. I ended up taking her to the hospital as they have better folks there to draw an infants blood. (This was on fantastic advice by Kaitlyn's doctor who arranged it for us). Have I mentioned again how much I love Kaitlyn’s Pediatrician?
The blood work was to check to see if Kaitlyn was anemic, which meant that she was likely bleeding a lot – good news is that her blood looked GREAT according to her doc, and for us to watch and see what happens this week. The GI doc is hoping that it’s just irritation caused from her GI feeding button. But because her blood levels looked so good (not anemic), they weren’t too concerned at this point. If it continues for another week, we’ll get another blood test and compare, then the next option would be a scope down to her stomach – obviously no fun at all. So we are going to be in a waiting mode.
Tomorrow is Kaitlyn’ 6 month NICU follow up developmental appointment – thank goodness she’s learned to roll-over before the appointment!!!
It is now after 1am, so I’m going to bed!!
I've been so busy the last few days, with work and of course medical issues...here's a quick update on Miss Kaitlyn - some good and bad news.
1. Kaitlyn started rolling over!!!!! Now, babies that are 4-5 months should be rolling over, and Kaitlyn just learned yesterday. But she IS a preemie and we knew she'd be delayed - we are ecstatic that she's figured out how to roll, now the problem is that she no longer likes to lie on her belly at all, she rolls right off her belly to her back. She can only roll to one side - but it's so cute to watch her go!!!
2. Kaitlyn seems to have found a "voice" - Now, before you get too excited.....this isn't a "voice" like you'd expect a baby to have. Her vocal chord is still paralyzed. The noise she is making is like a sickly quacky duck noise...I'll do my best to get it on video for you all to "enjoy". This noise she makes is a bit "disturbing" so that if strangers were to hear they would say or think, "wow, what's up with that baby?" That already happened the other night - I guess I have to get used to it. I however think her "voice" is music to my ears! It's so wonderful to hear her make some noise!! I've been waiting a LONG time.
4. Due to the amazing generosity of our family/friends, we now have a LOT more breast milk. So much so that today I switched her back to almost entirely breast milk, and as soon as we switched back her vomiting seemed to decrease. Good thing, as the last few days of vomiting have been HORRIBLE. We’ll see what the next few days look like. I try not to get too excited over less vomit anymore, as it always seems to be followed by more vomit.
Thank you again to:
Elissa – Brian’s sister who sent us maybe 700 ounces of milk!!! Her daughter (Kaitlyn’s beautiful cousin Stella and my niece is just over 3 months old now - they live in CT).
Thank you MacKenzie – boy did we have some problems getting her breast milk. Isn’t FedEx supposed to be the most dependable no matter what – well, on this EXTREMELY important shipment of frozen breast milk, Fed Ex “forgot” to get the package on the outgoing plane from Texas, so instead of getting to me within about 10 hours, instead it was well over 30 hours. Sadly some of it did defrost, but not entirely, and from what I understand if there are any ice crystals in the milk, it’s still ok to refreeze. None of it had completely thawed. MacKenze sent us about 300 ounces of milk from Texas.
Thank you Lisa – Lisa lives locally by me so we didn’t have to deal with shipping – Lisa has given birth to 2 preemies and is so amazing to give us her precious stash as she’s said she’d keep pumping for her son…
I’m SOOOOO incredibly touched by the gifts of this liquid gold for Kaitlyn. My words really can’t express enough how touched I am by this. MacKenzie was a TOTAL stranger to us, introduced by another NICU mom, and I had only recently met Lisa. Elissa had to go back to work and is pumping while she’s driving to and from her job (now she did get that hint from pumping and driving from me, as I used to do that all the time – it was a lifesaver!) Now these amazing women will truly be a part forever more of miss Kaitlyn.
5. Now for the bad news. A few days ago, and we confirmed it today, Kaitlyn has started having "coffee grind emesis". What is that you may ask? Well, when a person has an upper GI bleed (or stomach bleed) it comes out as vomit (emesis) that looks like it has coffee grinds in it. So yes, Kaitlyn is vomiting blood. This isn't good obviously. So today I ran around calling her doctors and getting blood tests. This was her first blood test since she left the NICU, which wasn't very pleasant for either of us (Kaitlyn or her mom), but she did really well. I ended up taking her to the hospital as they have better folks there to draw an infants blood. (This was on fantastic advice by Kaitlyn's doctor who arranged it for us). Have I mentioned again how much I love Kaitlyn’s Pediatrician?
The blood work was to check to see if Kaitlyn was anemic, which meant that she was likely bleeding a lot – good news is that her blood looked GREAT according to her doc, and for us to watch and see what happens this week. The GI doc is hoping that it’s just irritation caused from her GI feeding button. But because her blood levels looked so good (not anemic), they weren’t too concerned at this point. If it continues for another week, we’ll get another blood test and compare, then the next option would be a scope down to her stomach – obviously no fun at all. So we are going to be in a waiting mode.
Tomorrow is Kaitlyn’ 6 month NICU follow up developmental appointment – thank goodness she’s learned to roll-over before the appointment!!!
It is now after 1am, so I’m going to bed!!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Sad days of July
Today is July 29th.
All I’ve been able to think about the last few days is what I was doing 1 year ago.
One year ago on July 26th, my day started fine, I was a bit nervous about going in for an amnio. We had been through so much already with infertility for so many years. I was finally feeling better after the miscarriage of my triplet. I had been so sick the beginning of my pregnancy, and now I felt fabulous.
Brian and I were still undecided if we wanted to know the sex of our twins. At the pre amnio ultrasound, they asked us if we wanted to find out, we looked at each other and said ok, why not….We joyously found out we were having 2 little girls. Two perfect little girls. The ultrasound showed that everything looked perfect, at least no visible signs of birth defects. I think we both “knew” that we would have at least one daughter, and figured it might be likely that both would be girls. Brian said because he was such a “naughty” boy that he would be “blessed” with having daughters – so we always knew. We were ecstatic!! Two daughters. My heart was just swimming!!!!
Looking back, trying to remember those feelings, the joy I felt in my heart knowing I was having two healthy girls. All the anticipation of twins. I feel such incredible sorrow now, for those lost joyous memories. I want them back. I want both my girls. I want my healthy full term twin daughters back. I want the choice again to not do an amnio. My life changed forever that day. Why couldn’t I have left well enough alone. Let nature take its course?
Obviously, with my “advanced maternal” age at the time of 38 (almost 39), we were worried about possible Downs Syndrom and other birth defects; it was “standard practice” to do an amnio when you are over 35. After the ultra sound tech left and we were there getting ready for the doc to come in to do the amnio, Brian asked me, everything looks good, do you think we really need to do the amnio? I think I said something like, “Well, it’s my age, they really recommend it”….Famous last words, right? I’ve regretted that “moment” so many times over this last year. If I could take it back. How was I to know?
Well, before the amnio started, the doc said he was going to insert one needle into my abdomen, and go into both sacs. I said to him, “Well, why would you want to put two holes in one of the sacs, doesn’t that seem more risky?” He answered “Well, that’s just eh way I do amnios.” Again famous last words.
(If you couldn’t tell, I DEFINITELY have a problem with the way he did the amnio, as any other doctor I've ever spoken to always sounds "surpirsed" when they hear he did it with one needle stick versus two. Also, by the fact that he didn't use dye to differintiate the two sacs).
He inserted the needle to extract amniotic fluid through Corinne’s sac, through the membrane that separated the two of them and then into Kaitlyn’s sac. He seemed to have to really “push” to break through into Kaitlyn's sac. I was so scared, I could hardly breathe. On the ultrasound we could see our girls not liking this intrusion into their worlds. He withdrew fluid from Kaitlyn’s sac. Then pulled back the needle again into Corinne’s sac and withdrew fluid from her sac. I was so nervous.
Fast forward to getting home. I spent the entire day in bed, (as recommended). I have a picture of myself lying on the bed with our female dog. Brian took a picture of the 4 McCarthy Girls. We were going to give this picture to our family to surprise them with the news that we were having 2 girls! We were so excited. It FINALLY felt like this pregnancy was going to materialize – that we were going to be parents. We were having daughters!!! Here's a link to that picture (I'm having problems uploading pictures to blogger): The 4 McCarthy Girls At the bottom of this picture you can see the date and time it was taken 1:20 on 7/26/2005.
At about 10pm on the 26th, I felt a trickle. The Doc had said there might be some minor leaking from the procedure. It didn’t think much of it. Later that night I felt more, but again didn’t think much of it.
On the morning of the 27th, my water broke. I started leaking a lot more amniotic fluid. I hear of women wondering whether it was “urine” or amniotic fluid – I NEVER had a doubt in my mind. This was definitely amniotic fluid leaking out of me. We called the doc’s office. They said get in bed – (I was given the choice of coming in), but what would that have shown? That I was leaking amniotic fluid (I knew I was), and all they could have done was to tell me to stay down in bed. The doc who did the amnio NEVER called. Never got on the phone with me….
What is happening? Oh My God. This can’t be happening. I felt in shock. I still believed that it was going to seal. In 2 days time we are supposed to be moving to our new house that we just purchased.
Fast forward to a year ago today, 7/29. We move. Well, I don’t really move. Brian packs everything except for the bed I’m lying on. He takes our guest bed to our new house. My mom flew up to help. I got out of bed, laid in the back seat of her car, drove to the new house, went straight to the guest bed and got back into bed. No looking at my new house. Nothing. Straight into the bed. For 10 weeks!! 3 months!! I finally owned my first house and never even saw it for 10 weeks.
This was hell. Horrible, horrible hell. I can’t believe this is happening…..
This morning I sat out on our deck in our back-yard thinking about all this. Remembering one year ago. I haven't spoken about it for a while now, as it’s very, very painful for me to remember. I felt the need this morning to remember and to let all of you know who may not have been with me from the beginning.
Kaitlyn just vomited terribly this morning. Yes, I’ve indicated the vomit is “better”, but when I say better, she’s not vomiting 20x a day any more, now it’s just maybe 8-15 times. She’s still vomiting. I miss my daughter Corinne more than I can say. It’s so hard for me to put up a wall when I see twins. I get so sad. That should be me. That should be our family. Brian often tells me when he thinks of Corinne too and how much he misses her. My mother Corinne (who our daughter is named after), too remembers her and wonders what she would be like. I like it when people remember her. It means a lot to me, as I gave birth to my two daughters. Corinne lived and died in my arms.
Here is a link to a slideshow of their birth on 10/4/05:
Kaitlyn and Corinne's Birth Slideshow
Thank you everyone for your comments and helping us remember Corinne. She’ll never be forgotten. Corinne’s ashes are in Kaitlyn’s room, along with a snip of her hair, both of their ID bracelets from the hospital, the blanket that Corinne was wrapped in when she died, a picture of the two of them together, with Kaitlyn holding Corinne’s hand, hand-knit booties from Jodi, a PROM mom friend that were made to match their feet sizes when they were born, I have angels sitting on the box that hold all of these items. And this box is next to the box of ash's of our poor pup, Kailan, who became very sick throughout this whole ordeal and we had to put to sleep in February.
My angel daughter Corinne is looking down on her sister. Corinne who stayed in my belly for 10 long weeks of leaking her precious fluid out of me day after day. She stayed long enough for Kaitlyn to be here with us today. Thank you my beautiful daughter Corinne for being strong enough to watch over your sister and keep her safe forever. As I write this tears roll down my checks. Why is this still so hard and painful?
1 year ago, this all started. July 26th is a day that will forever be etched into my memory. I want to take that day back. I want to feel my babies in my belly again. I want to have a normal pregnancy, I want to have a normal deliery, I want to have normal breast feeding, I want to hear my babies cry when they are born (I'm still waiting to hear Kaitlyn's cry), I want to hold them in my arms and not have one die in my arms in a few hours and wait another month to hold the other, to bring them home a few days after they were born instead of 4 long months.
Why did I have that amnio? Why, why, why why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why????????????
If you would like to "relive" my story from a year ago, read the first post of my blog: The first post
All I’ve been able to think about the last few days is what I was doing 1 year ago.
One year ago on July 26th, my day started fine, I was a bit nervous about going in for an amnio. We had been through so much already with infertility for so many years. I was finally feeling better after the miscarriage of my triplet. I had been so sick the beginning of my pregnancy, and now I felt fabulous.
Brian and I were still undecided if we wanted to know the sex of our twins. At the pre amnio ultrasound, they asked us if we wanted to find out, we looked at each other and said ok, why not….We joyously found out we were having 2 little girls. Two perfect little girls. The ultrasound showed that everything looked perfect, at least no visible signs of birth defects. I think we both “knew” that we would have at least one daughter, and figured it might be likely that both would be girls. Brian said because he was such a “naughty” boy that he would be “blessed” with having daughters – so we always knew. We were ecstatic!! Two daughters. My heart was just swimming!!!!
Looking back, trying to remember those feelings, the joy I felt in my heart knowing I was having two healthy girls. All the anticipation of twins. I feel such incredible sorrow now, for those lost joyous memories. I want them back. I want both my girls. I want my healthy full term twin daughters back. I want the choice again to not do an amnio. My life changed forever that day. Why couldn’t I have left well enough alone. Let nature take its course?
Obviously, with my “advanced maternal” age at the time of 38 (almost 39), we were worried about possible Downs Syndrom and other birth defects; it was “standard practice” to do an amnio when you are over 35. After the ultra sound tech left and we were there getting ready for the doc to come in to do the amnio, Brian asked me, everything looks good, do you think we really need to do the amnio? I think I said something like, “Well, it’s my age, they really recommend it”….Famous last words, right? I’ve regretted that “moment” so many times over this last year. If I could take it back. How was I to know?
Well, before the amnio started, the doc said he was going to insert one needle into my abdomen, and go into both sacs. I said to him, “Well, why would you want to put two holes in one of the sacs, doesn’t that seem more risky?” He answered “Well, that’s just eh way I do amnios.” Again famous last words.
(If you couldn’t tell, I DEFINITELY have a problem with the way he did the amnio, as any other doctor I've ever spoken to always sounds "surpirsed" when they hear he did it with one needle stick versus two. Also, by the fact that he didn't use dye to differintiate the two sacs).
He inserted the needle to extract amniotic fluid through Corinne’s sac, through the membrane that separated the two of them and then into Kaitlyn’s sac. He seemed to have to really “push” to break through into Kaitlyn's sac. I was so scared, I could hardly breathe. On the ultrasound we could see our girls not liking this intrusion into their worlds. He withdrew fluid from Kaitlyn’s sac. Then pulled back the needle again into Corinne’s sac and withdrew fluid from her sac. I was so nervous.
Fast forward to getting home. I spent the entire day in bed, (as recommended). I have a picture of myself lying on the bed with our female dog. Brian took a picture of the 4 McCarthy Girls. We were going to give this picture to our family to surprise them with the news that we were having 2 girls! We were so excited. It FINALLY felt like this pregnancy was going to materialize – that we were going to be parents. We were having daughters!!! Here's a link to that picture (I'm having problems uploading pictures to blogger): The 4 McCarthy Girls At the bottom of this picture you can see the date and time it was taken 1:20 on 7/26/2005.
At about 10pm on the 26th, I felt a trickle. The Doc had said there might be some minor leaking from the procedure. It didn’t think much of it. Later that night I felt more, but again didn’t think much of it.
On the morning of the 27th, my water broke. I started leaking a lot more amniotic fluid. I hear of women wondering whether it was “urine” or amniotic fluid – I NEVER had a doubt in my mind. This was definitely amniotic fluid leaking out of me. We called the doc’s office. They said get in bed – (I was given the choice of coming in), but what would that have shown? That I was leaking amniotic fluid (I knew I was), and all they could have done was to tell me to stay down in bed. The doc who did the amnio NEVER called. Never got on the phone with me….
What is happening? Oh My God. This can’t be happening. I felt in shock. I still believed that it was going to seal. In 2 days time we are supposed to be moving to our new house that we just purchased.
Fast forward to a year ago today, 7/29. We move. Well, I don’t really move. Brian packs everything except for the bed I’m lying on. He takes our guest bed to our new house. My mom flew up to help. I got out of bed, laid in the back seat of her car, drove to the new house, went straight to the guest bed and got back into bed. No looking at my new house. Nothing. Straight into the bed. For 10 weeks!! 3 months!! I finally owned my first house and never even saw it for 10 weeks.
This was hell. Horrible, horrible hell. I can’t believe this is happening…..
This morning I sat out on our deck in our back-yard thinking about all this. Remembering one year ago. I haven't spoken about it for a while now, as it’s very, very painful for me to remember. I felt the need this morning to remember and to let all of you know who may not have been with me from the beginning.
Kaitlyn just vomited terribly this morning. Yes, I’ve indicated the vomit is “better”, but when I say better, she’s not vomiting 20x a day any more, now it’s just maybe 8-15 times. She’s still vomiting. I miss my daughter Corinne more than I can say. It’s so hard for me to put up a wall when I see twins. I get so sad. That should be me. That should be our family. Brian often tells me when he thinks of Corinne too and how much he misses her. My mother Corinne (who our daughter is named after), too remembers her and wonders what she would be like. I like it when people remember her. It means a lot to me, as I gave birth to my two daughters. Corinne lived and died in my arms.
Here is a link to a slideshow of their birth on 10/4/05:
Kaitlyn and Corinne's Birth Slideshow
Thank you everyone for your comments and helping us remember Corinne. She’ll never be forgotten. Corinne’s ashes are in Kaitlyn’s room, along with a snip of her hair, both of their ID bracelets from the hospital, the blanket that Corinne was wrapped in when she died, a picture of the two of them together, with Kaitlyn holding Corinne’s hand, hand-knit booties from Jodi, a PROM mom friend that were made to match their feet sizes when they were born, I have angels sitting on the box that hold all of these items. And this box is next to the box of ash's of our poor pup, Kailan, who became very sick throughout this whole ordeal and we had to put to sleep in February.
My angel daughter Corinne is looking down on her sister. Corinne who stayed in my belly for 10 long weeks of leaking her precious fluid out of me day after day. She stayed long enough for Kaitlyn to be here with us today. Thank you my beautiful daughter Corinne for being strong enough to watch over your sister and keep her safe forever. As I write this tears roll down my checks. Why is this still so hard and painful?
1 year ago, this all started. July 26th is a day that will forever be etched into my memory. I want to take that day back. I want to feel my babies in my belly again. I want to have a normal pregnancy, I want to have a normal deliery, I want to have normal breast feeding, I want to hear my babies cry when they are born (I'm still waiting to hear Kaitlyn's cry), I want to hold them in my arms and not have one die in my arms in a few hours and wait another month to hold the other, to bring them home a few days after they were born instead of 4 long months.
Why did I have that amnio? Why, why, why why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why????????????
If you would like to "relive" my story from a year ago, read the first post of my blog: The first post
Friday, July 28, 2006
More July Pictures...
My beautiful little girl... her hair sticks up and is all fuzzy when it's clean. It's defintely Strawberry blonde.
Kaitlyn has just found her feet.
Some close-ups on mom's lap - she's sucking on her lower lip
Kaitlyn likes to try to put anything in her mouth (except food that is).
Visit with Holland and Eden
Here is Billie holding Miss Kaitlyn. Billie is my online Preemie mom friend from Michigan. We met "on-line" and arranged to meet when she was visiting here in Northern California the first part of July. Not long after this shot was taken, Kaitlyn proceeded to vomit over my shoulder all over the carpet of the restaurant... Here's the link to Billies blog: http://micropreemietwins.blogspot.com/
This is a picture of John (Billie's husband) and Eden. Holland and Eden were born at 24 weeks, and sadly Eden has Cerebral Palsy. They are such beautiful happy girls, it was so wonderful to meet them in person - I felt like I knew them already.
Here is Billie and Holland. Holland unfortunately became sick while she was here and had to go to the ER. She still wasn't feeling great when we met her for dinner.
A group shot of the preemie parents and our precious bundles.
More Pictures...
I am having problems uploading pictures, so they'll have to be in seperate posts....
Kaitlyn modeling a new outfit from Nana (my mom). she's actually already outgrown it!
Kaitlyn and dad hanging out on the couch
This is the view I had from the Parents Apartment when I stayed at the George Mark Center. You can see why I was able to relax. I sat on the couch in the aprtment and read a book! This has to be the first relaxing moment I've had in a year (I still don't really call my 3 months on bed rest as "relaxing". www.georgemark.org 
Here is Kaitlyn in her room at the Geroge Mark center...
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Pictures finally!
Sometimes Blogger is really difficult to upload pictures, I've been trying for a few days now, but I can't seem to upload any more, maybe I'll try in another post...
A close-up - Kaitlyn and her dad sure do look alike!
This picture was from 4th of July weekend!
OK, this is the "wild-life" in our back-yard. We have 3 mamma turkeys and many, many little baby turkeys. Now they don't live in our backyard, but they've taking a liking to eating the plumbs on our trees. Can you see the dirt mounds they are standing on? These are the mole hills - we have a horrible mole problem in our back-yard that has become Brian's downfall.
It is supposed to be a big "No-No" to have Kaitlyn (and preemies) in exersausers or Door way jumpers (it's supposed to be bad for their needs, hips and growing joints), but as you can see her legs don't even reach the bottom! She's just started liking it a bit, and we are using it very rarely, but it's fun for Kaitlyn to be upright
Look at those tiny feet! so cute!
This was from our incredibly HOT day this week when Brian, Kaitlyn and I escaped to the mall and a restaurant for dinner and Margaritas. Look at our big girl, she's really growing!
Some long-awaited eye contract with my daughter.
With Dad, getting a little upset. Look at her little purple hair clip (this was a purchase on the Mall walk - it didn't really stay in her hair, but it sure was cute!)
No Kaitlyn's not walking yet (or standing or sitting on her own), but it sure looks like she's taking a quick little step across the table in this picture with dad.
A close-up - Kaitlyn and her dad sure do look alike!
This picture was from 4th of July weekend!
OK, this is the "wild-life" in our back-yard. We have 3 mamma turkeys and many, many little baby turkeys. Now they don't live in our backyard, but they've taking a liking to eating the plumbs on our trees. Can you see the dirt mounds they are standing on? These are the mole hills - we have a horrible mole problem in our back-yard that has become Brian's downfall.
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