Just a quick post here...
My husband and I are talking a lot about priroties. (I've taken down my previous post if you are just tuning in.) I feel terrible that I really didn't write enough of all the things he does to help out in our family and relationship, I was mad frustrated and let it all hang out there which probably wan't the most appropriate thing to do.
Many mothers have written me in response and I have to say that I feel that I'm not alone, and in many, many cases I have it much better than other moms/wives out there, my husband really does do a lot to help. A lot. In his defense, I need to do my share in talking more about how I feel to him before I blow up (and post it to the world), I love my husband dearly and want us to be a family together. I can't imagine life without him. I need to do a better job of carving out time for myself and that is my issue not his.
7 comments:
I assumed your post was a "one of those days or even weeks" kind of posts - I'm sorry for the angst you were feeling and any that you may be feeling that you posted about it. What I was going to comment in response to your post was a book I am reading - How to Babyproof your Marriage. It talks about "training weekends", where the husbands have the kids by themselves for a day or two and see everything there is to do, but it also talks about things that are important to the husbands. It really tries to talk about things from both genders' perspectives. It doesn't deal at all with the types of special challenges you have with Kaitlyn's care, but it does show that your issues are so universal. I have found it very interesting.
And the other thing I was going to comment on was about you having another baby. You asked (tongue in cheek, I'm sure), if you were crazy, having another one. And my answer to that is that it really doesn't matter. Of course, you aren't, but even if you are, the drive for you to have another one is probably so strong for so many reasons. And I would guess among them is the desire to have the things you didn't have the first time - the "normal" pregnancy, the normal birth, the normal infancy and toddlerhood, the sibling for Kaitlyn that you expected. Or maybe I'm just projecting. I know that I would like to have another baby more than almost anything I can think of. No matter how hard it might be.
Glad you're feeling better. We ALL have those days! And you're not crazy for having another. I immediately wanted to turn around and have another so I could experience "normalcy". I'm past that now. But I have a mom of premature twins (one with a paralyzed vocal chord like Kaitlyn) who had a child 6 years after her twins who told me it was the most healing thing she possibly could have done. I'm pulling for you to have a great experience this time!
Oh gosh, Liz - I didn't read the other post -but I can only imagine what it is about. I STILL feel like the day-to-day tasks of raising our kids fall on my shoulders. What to feed them each night (and mine don't even have feeding issues!), how to dress them, the shopping, the laundry! My husband does a lot around the house - but so much of it is not the day-to-day stuff. It doesn't help that when given a choice of mommy doing something or daddy doing something for them, the kids ALWAYS choose mommy.
There were many times that we considered having another one to have a "normal" pregnancy and infant stage. Tanner was so sick until he was one years old that we never enjoyed that stage - never let our guard down - never just enjoyed it. I am still envious when I see mothers pushing a stroller or complaining about "typical" childhood stuff - I would have killed for that.
Hugs to you guys - having kids introduced into a marriage is extremely difficult. And, pregnancy hormones can't help, either. :-)
I think we must all have days, weeks, and sometimes longer where our marriage feels like that. For me, it's off and on throughout. If you get one thing from these comments... I hope that it's that we can relate and that we, at least me and many others, DO NOT judge. It would be silly to assume that just because someone goes on a rant about their husband that they don't love or appreciate them. I know I rarely comment, but I admire your advocacy for these children we have in all your work with support groups and all your writing on this blog. Thanks.
I just want to say I'm thinking of you and hope you can both work out a system for you to get more time for yourself. Wish I lived nearby, I would totally help you out!
HUGS!!!
I think we all have those days like the one you were having... Glad that you guys were able to talk about it and work it out
I missed the post but just wanted to say that I feel your pain. Sometimes I wish I had a private blog just to vent on (okay so I guess that would just be a diary before tech days, but still...) I swear - being married is hard, having kids is hard, having a preemie is hard. But being married AND have a kid that is a preemie takes the cake. We all do our best, but there are just days when it feels like we're at it alone. I'm glad things are better with you...
And so happy to hear about the baby being a boy! I'm also hoping your placenta will take a little trip North. Tell it that it's beautiful in Toronto this time of year :)
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