Friday, October 03, 2008

October 4th

Kaitlyn is 3 tomorrow (10/4), haven't had time for a blog update. We all were sick the last week, even Quinn, but everyone's on the mend now.

Today we had our IEP with our school district, and I almost cried. Almost cried due to the fact that I had to be there discussing my daughters special needs at all and almost cried because I miss her sister and want her there too. How my life is sooo different than I had planned.

We have 70 people coming to celebrate her birthday, why does it continue to make me feel sad instead of celebrating?? It's also supposed to rain (it NEVER rains in October, especially this early, espcially knowing that it's been 80 degrees all week, and is supposed to become nice again sunday)

I want to do something to honor Corinne, not sure yet what I'll do, but it's important to ME, even if it makes others uncomfortable.


Chantal said...

Happy Birthday Kaitlyn! Three is such a fun age. Hope you have a fun day!

Happy Birthday Corinne! You are loved and missed by your earthly family.

Liz, hope you make it through the day without too many sad thoughts...

Praying for you.

Becky said...

Liz- I wish I could hug you. I just went through the IEP process with my daughter(age 4) and I know it is so difficult. She is now in a special preschool that is awesome! I visited her class today and she has made tremendous strides in the short time she has been in the class. Her eye contact has improved and she is interacting more with the other children. I wish I would have had her evaluated at three.. I knew something was off with her development but just kept thinking it would resolve on its own. It is awesome that you are having Kaitlyn evaluated now. She has a good two years before Kindergarten. Don't worry about making others uncomfortable with regards to Corinne, do what you need to. She will always be your daughter too.

Jennifer said...

Liz, I'm praying for you. I wish you tons of happiness. You are such an amazing person! I don't know how you do it.

Happy birthday Miss Kaitlyn. Wow...3! You are getting so big!

Happy birthday are missed beyond measure. I know you are looking over your siblings and are protecting them :)

skeybunny said...

IEPs are a definite slug of reality.
An especially memorable moment for us was when our school's special ed director visited our home to meet Evan, and said that he "obviously qualified for special ed." I guess this was supposed to bring a sense of relief because we wouldn't have to do much of an evaluation to prove he needed services, but sometimes I'd like to pretend his differences aren't so...obvious.
Equally as sobering is the fact Evan has his own one-on-one aide. His class has 6-8 kids, and there are already 4 adults. And contrary to stories I'd heard from other parents, the school did not really fight the one-on-one. They agreed he needed it. Even among developmentally delayed peers, Evan is behind.
Have you thought about releasing balloons in honor of Corinne? I had a friend who released them on her son's birthday. She would tie messages to the ribbons.

Sarah (mom to Evan)

The Microblogologist said...

Happy birthday Kaitlyn and Corrine, you are both amazing!

I agree with everyone else, you need to do what works for you and your family and not worry about the others being uncomfortable. Have a wonderful day!


Anonymous said...


I completely understand wanting to acknowledge and honor Corrine at Kaitlyn's celebration - afterall, it is her birthday, too. And forever, it will be her birthday on the same day. I have the same issue, every single year. Unfortunately, I found that it was just too hard for me to celebrate both on the same day. My high of celebrating Sarah's birthday was too high (my gratitude so intense from all the time I spent afraid she wouldn't make it and now the intense appreciation for every year I have with her) and my low of "celebrating" Rebecca's birthday was too low to do in one day. It gave me emotional whiplash, for lack of a better term.

If you can do it, I would be so happy for you. I love the commenter's idea of releasing (maybe pink?) balloons at Kaitlyn's party. And I could care less if it makes other people uncomfortable. I don't mean to be confrontational about it, but I always think it makes them less uncomfortable to have to see a little acknowledgment than it makes me to have lost a baby. And to me it is as simple as that. And I think that for you, too.

But I know that you will not get this until after your party. So I know you will have done what was right for your family, and I will look forward to hearing what it was. For what it it worth, I will tell you what we have ended up doing. (It only took me four years to figure it out!!) We celebrate Sarah's birthday on her birthday, by herself. When she gets older, we may change this and add something for Rebecca on her birthday, too, we just haven't yet. But I think as Sarah gets older, she may want to. She is VERY aware of her sister, and has very definite ideas about talking to her and remembering her. But last year, a few days after the girls' birthday, we went to the cemetary with flowers and balloons that Sarah had picked out. We each let off a balloon and said sommething as we let off a balloon. We were supposed to let off four balloons, but Sarah had insisted that we have nine for some strange four-year old reason. And they were all supposed to be pink, but because her favorite colors are pink, purple and blue, that's what colors they were. So that's what we did. I know people who take a cake to the cemetary and actually have a cake with balloons and hats and the whole thing at the cemetary.

In any event, I hope you had a wonderful party in a way that honored both of your beautiful girls.

Shellie (Sarah and Rebecca's Mommy)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Kaitlyn!
Happy Birthday ^Corinne^!

Anthony's Mommy said...

I've read your blog for awhile. Some how I stumbled onto it. Probably because I too lost a child. I was PG with twins and lost my little girl at 20 weeks gestation. I delivered her at 26 weeks and had my son Anthony a few days later. Anyway, we celebrate my daughter, Hailey by going to the beach on the day that she passed away and reading a letter to her and letting Anthony let go of a single pink balloon. We also live in CA so its fortunate that the weather is nice at the beach all the time.

Anniversaries are so hard. =-(


Kristin said...

Happy Birthday to Miss K and Angel C I know its a sad and happy day at the same time, Liz, but remember that she is watching over you all.

Lots of hug and love,

K & P

Melissa said...

Happy Birthday Girls!!!!!
3 years old!! Gosh how time flys!!!!

Happy Birthday Kaitlyn!! You have accheived so much in this lifetime in the last year you have learned so much and acheived so many goals and are only going to do it better and better. You are loved so very much!!!

Happy Birthday Corrine!!! Baby girl I hope you are having so much fun playing with my little Madilyn!!! I know you girls are looking over ours and probably even egging them on to make a few of your mommies and my hair fall out!!! We miss you so much but know that the Lord needed an extra angel and that we will see you again in heaven!!! Happy Birthday!! Hope you are having a super fun party up there!!!! xoxoxoxoox

Shannon and Carey said...

I never forget about Corinne when you speak of Kaitlyn. Its like you are speaking about both when you give updates.....Maybe its because Ive been reading your blog for so long? I dunno. We are here to support you and listen to you about your fears and your struggles. Again, we hear you. Have a wonderful birthday celebration for Miss K and please know that I am thinking of you and your family.
Lots of love and hugs from afar.....
Your friend,
Shannon in Austin

Kristie in Dallas said...

Happy happy birthday, Kaitlyn and Corinne.

I like the idea of letting off baloons and maybe you could plant a tree for Corinne too.

I know this idea that I am about to suggest has NO relation to losing a child so please don't take it the wrong way. I have lost three pregnancies and I do not have any children (even though, being single and 40 hasn't lessened my desire to have a child) but when I lost my beloved doggie a friend of mine made a donation to a shelter in the name of my dog so I got a thank you card in the name of my dog and I put it in his scrap book. So maybe you could make a donation to a local childrens charity in the name of Corinne.
I never even got to feel pregnant before I lost my babies (I know they weren't babies yet but to me they were). I know how devistated I was at my loss, so I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose a child.
I have read your entire blog and I look for updates every day. Kaitlyn is such a beautiful child and Quinn is so handsome. They look a lot like each other too. I wish you all the best of everything.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Corinne and Kaitlyn.

I can't even begin to imagine the emotions you must be going through Liz.

But I wish you and your beautiful family peace, strength, faith, love, happiness, blessings and good health


Anonymous said...

This is your daughter's birthday celebration! If you want to grieve privately, that's ok, but she is her OWN PERSON who deserves her SPECIAL DAY.

Anonymous said...

I, too, think you should make Kaitlyn's birthday about Kaitlyn. It will be a difficult thing growing up if her birthday always serves primarily as a reminder to you of losing Corrine. Her birthday should be a fun celebration of life and I think you should find a different time and place to honor and remember the loss of her sister.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry - but I can't leave these last two comments unaddressed. I have waited for several days to see if anyone else would say something, but since no one else is going to, then I will. Liz, if you feel like this is too confrontational for your blog, then please feel free to delete my comment.

Kaitlyn is a TWIN. She will be a twin for the rest of her life. She will have a twin sister who died for the rest of her life. No amount of pretending or ignoring it on her birthday (or any other day) will change that. Liz wanting to acknowledge Kaitlyn's twin sister, whose birthday is the same day as hers, does nothing to take away from Kaitlyn as her own person, from her birthday as her own special day, or from it being a fun celebration - nor does it mean that Kaitlyn's birthday serves primarily as a reminder of losing Corrine. Believe me when I say that when you have been through what we have been through with these preemies, not knowing if they would make it for weeks and sometimes months, and then years of struggle, every birthday is ALWAYS primarily a celebration first and foremost that they made it and then about what they have accomplished as they grow each year. Acknowledging the baby we lost on that day in some small appropriate way could never, ever make that day primarily about the loss of the other baby - we have way too much gratitude for the child that has made it another year.

Liz, I already said it a comment above, but I needed to say it again, for your sake and probably my own - I hope you found a way to acknowledge Corrine on Kaitlyn's birthday in a way that worked well for your family. And I'm sorry I couldn't let this go. I tried - I really did. I waited for several days for someone else, but I couldn't have anyone go after you for something like this. They are just wrong on this one.

And unlike them, I am willing to sign mine.

Anonymous said...

I didn't mean to offend and I certainly wasn't going after Liz.

Further, my comments should in no way lead to the conclusion that I haven't lived through the loss of a preemie twin. It was just my family's decision to privately remember our loss without incorporating it into the celebration of our daughter's amazing milestone.

Just because you do things one way doesn't mean others can't have different traditions or offer their advice. I just offered support for a previous opinion that, to me anyway, is worth consideration.

To Shellie, whatever you do is up to you and your family and whatever I do is up no me and mine. So, in other words, I'm not wrong, just different from you.

Liz, I'm sorry if I offended or turned your blog into one full of people fighting back and forth. I've learned a ton from your blog as I've struggled through feeding issues with my own 24-week miracle. Believe me, though, I won't leave any further comments - I'll just keep reading.


Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Corinne and Kaitlin,
May Kaitlin have a happy and healthy birthday with her new brother Quinn, and may the memory of their lovely sister, Corinne, and all the things she has taught us about the power of love in the face of loss, be remembered forever.

Your reader (and fellow PPROMer)

Anonymous said...

Gina, I am sorry for getting too sensitive on this. And interestingly, if you read my comment from several comments above, you'll see that our family has actually chosen (for now) to celebrate my girls' birthdays on different days. After trying for the first year, it was too hard for me to do it on the same day. That may change, but for the past three years we have celebrated on different days. I was just defending Liz's choice that it seemed she had clearly already decided and articulated in her post. I completely respect your decision to celebrate your twins' birthdays on different days - I would never tell you that the way you are doing it is wrong. You are right - it is just different than those who would do it on the same day. Which we may do some day - my living child may insist as she gets older, she has very definite opinions on her sister and how she is remembered. May God bless you and both of your twins.

Anonymous said...

I have to say that I agree with Gina. Birthdays need to be a happy occasions especially for children. Kaitlyn could develop a complex and feel sad that she was the twin that survived. I think the balloon idea is wonderful - perhaps you could use it as a time to celebrate Corinne being well and free from any problems she may have had. I like the "99 balloons" for Eliot. You can view it on youtube it you are not familiar with the story of this little angel.


Jennifer said...

Why don't you people just let Liz do what she feels. What you all are saying may make her feel bad for celebrating Corinne on both HER and Kaiti's birthday.

Sorry Liz, I tried to keep my mouth shut but couldn't any longer.

liz.mccarthy said...

Hi everyone! I'm ok with everyone's comments, I've been gone and been too busy to respond...Thanks for all my supporters, I do understand those comments of leaving K's birthday to be K's, BUT it is also Corinne's birthday (and the day Corinne passed away) and I do have twins, I'll always have twins. I want Kaitlyn to know and love her twin sister (without hopefully any guilt for her own survival).

The day I get the most sadest is on July 26th, the day that I had my amnio. I think of that day more for the fate of Corinnes' death not on their bithtday, although I do get sad and emotional (as well as joyful at watching my little miracle daughter's life unfold).